The following is a maudlin rant.
Be ye warned all who enter here (or, you know, keep reading...)
I have this desperate desire to be liked. By the people I work with. Which is a little silly, all things considered, but I do spend a vast portion of my life with those people. On the drive home, I was thinking about it...
I am a Blue - Red Personality, which is The Color Code equivalent to Multiple Personality Disorder. The Blue part of me is motivated by feelings, which makes it a natural that I want people to like me, while the Red part of me is motivated by power which means that I don't really care if they do. At least that's what I've always thought. It makes sense, right? That whole Blue-Red thing. Except that I DO care if "they" like me or not. To a certain extent.
This is what I figured out as I was thinking about this on the drive home: I care if some people at work like me: the "cool kids," the people at work whom everyone likes. They are popular. And (here's where the shameful part comes in): around them I still feel like the chubby girl on the playground. The one who didn't have a best friend, but who was more like the third wheel. The weird one who didn't play sports, but liked to read and sing.
There are some people who always make me feel like that girl, on the outskirts, in an ill-fitting jumper, glasses sliding down my face...
For some reason, I still want them to like me. And it kills me when they don't.
4 comments:
Why aren't people writing books about you and I? At the very least one of us should qualify for some article in Psychology Today.
I secretly loathe the cool kids. I secretly loathe my desire to be liked. Logic says: "Who the hell cares?" But my little feelers say "ME, ME, PICK ME! I'M LIKEABLE. PICK ME!"
The Scott (that I'm really too intelligent for if we're honest) is a cool kid. A damn flirtatious one at that. And in spite of the complete incompatibility that would ensue, I can't help but want to be liked by him ever-so-much. Stupid, stupid, stupid neurotic, delusional me.
And also, I think even the cool kids often wish they were one of the cool kids (if that makes sense). I think we're all suffering with a perpetual lack in self-esteem leftover from adolescence.
OK, apparently we need to get together because I just wrote an excessively long comment.
Rookie, I loved the long comment (I always do)! But, yes, we absolutely need to get together. Let's do that soon, yes?
J, maybe we should volunteer ourselves? Because I think you're right...
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